Valentine’s Day is a time to express love, whether between parents and children, friends, or romantic partners. While some couples may face relationship struggles, the day provides an opportunity to work through issues and show genuine feelings for one another, strengthening their bond.
Understanding the Pressure of Society
Society has a way of imposing its own narrative regarding romantic relationships, and the media often perpetuates these unrealistic expectations. Lisa Wiersema-Ciszewski, a Juniper Center clinician who works with couples, states how “media often creates a message that romantic relationships provide a sense of self-completion leading individuals to believe a partner is the key to a complete and happy life.” Of course, there may be some moments in a relationship during which partners may conflict with one another- moments that warrant open, honest communication. Juniper Center clinician Clara Langrall comments, “Society is quite individualistic and we are unnaturally separated from one another and even ourselves, in many ways.” With every relationship issue, there is often a solution to help make things better. These issues, although inevitable, act as a reminder that not everything is as perfect as society makes it out to be.
Discovering the Core of a Healthy Relationship
The concept of what constitutes a healthy relationship is different for everyone, meaning one person’s definition may differ from that of their partner. One example of a healthy relationship, according to Lisa Wiersema-Ciszewski, is when one partner is having a bad day or they are struggling with a personal struggle, “having a partner who can provide emotional support and help with accountability. It helps them feel like they are being heard and understood by their partner.” Another example of a healthy relationship that Lisa describes is when both parties are “able to provide good for one another as well as sharing their interests.” When both partners act in a mutually beneficial way, they start to individually grow in their emotional, physical, and mental health and ultimately become better versions of themselves.
Communicating and Listening Are Key
Much like any relationship that is developed between two partners, communication and listening skills are key to having that relationship thrive and to having it grow into something that will last forever. There are plenty of listening and communication exercises that can help partners understand each other in a way that makes their relationship stronger than ever before. Clara Langrall explains how one of her favorite listening exercises works and how couples can utilize it to build trust and communication with one another. “One person uses statements like, ‘I think I hear you saying… Did I get that right?’ Let the other person correct you if there is anything off or missing, and then gently summarize again with the new information included until the person states that they feel understood-They will usually say something like ‘exactly’ or ‘Yes, that is what I’m saying’. Then, try to imagine yourself from their perspective and, if you feel any empathy, even if just for only a piece of what they are saying, express that to them.”
Creating a Safe Space to Grow
Couples need to have a safe space to call their own where they can communicate with one another and listen to what the other person has to say. Lisa goes more into detail about what it means to create a safe space for both partners to convey anything that may be on their minds and their hearts. “An emotionally safe place can be created by active listening, using ‘I’ statements, providing empathy, having open and honest communication, working with one another on the solution to a problem, providing as well as asking for clarification, and being aware of nonverbal cues.” Whether that safe space is in their own home or if they need to reach out to someone for assistance with creating that safe space, being able to fully grow, both individually and as a couple, is a grand benefit.
The Juniper Center is a great place for couples to have a safe space in which they can communicate with one another about their struggles and help them grow individually and collectively. Our clinicians are here to listen to anything that might be on your mind. If you are interested in scheduling an appointment to seek help to achieve your resolutions, please call 847-759-9110 extension 2 to help improve your relationship with your significant other.